GREEN-LIGHT revolution

When I was thinking of what to write I came up with three different things I’ve been struggling with: home, provision, future.

Home: what is home? A location? A people? “where the heart is”? “where you hang your hat”? I’ve always said “Home isn’t where you are, It’s who you’re with.” My current home location is back under my parents’ roof. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fantastic to be with the fam again. To not have to pay for housing or food. To not have to think about textbooks for a while. And I love my family. It’s great to have all of our quirky personalities at the dinner table again… it’s been a long time. But… I will say it’s hard to feel independent living in my parents’ basement without a car having to work around all the family schedules and ask permission for everything like I’m 16 again.

Provision: Heading home for my summer break about a month ago, my transmission went out in my car. Since there were several other things wrong with it, it was decided that it was not worth it to pay that much to fix it. That left me home with my parents for the summer looking for a summer job. This has been somewhat unsuccessful. Taco Bell has been the most promising though nothing is final yet. And I need money for textbooks, tuition, a car, among other things.

Future: I have been to a couple of parties lately that have me thinking about my relationships and the future. I have noticed myself the only single girl in a room several times. It didn’t used to bother me, but it is becoming increasingly more common for me to notice my singleness in a room of friends where I didn’t used to. I find myself trying to find other singles and not knowing what to do with myself otherwise. It makes me wonder when I when I’ll find love, or when it’ll find me, I guess.

In these three problems, Home, Provision and Future, I have found the issue is faith. Where is my faith? What am I trusting in? My independence? My bank account? Humanity? All of those things fail, fade, fall short. If these things have been what I’ve been leaning on, hoping in, trusting… it’s no wonder I can’t find peace!

I’ve been reading in Genesis lately and Abraham’s story has been very insightful. He was promised a son. It took years for God’s promise to come to fruition. Abram lost sight of the promise several times, asked God “How?” reminding God of Abram’s own limitations.

“He took him outside and said, “Look up at the sky and count the stars—if indeed you can count them.” Then he said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” ⁶ Abram believed the LORD, and he credited it to him as righteousness.” Genesis 15:5-6 (NIV)

God had to take Abram out of his little box, give him a new perspective. Almost as if to say, “Thanks for reminding Me of your limitations. Let Me remind you what I am capable of.”

God is so much bigger than the box I’ve put Him in, like my problems aren’t worthy of His time. Or He’s not worthy of mine. I am horribly wrong on either account.

Lord, Forgive my unbelief. Renew my faith in the BIG God that you are. You created the universe, you have given me everything I have, your Love has brought me life. Thank you for caring about little ol’ me. Help me remember how great are you, God. Amen

Going green,

Jenny