Here I am sitting in my favorite quaint coffee shop, sipping organic jasmine tea, feeling all euphoric, ready introduce myself to the GRL world and all I have is: Hello my name is Caris Stewart.I live in St. Louis and I’m 22 ☺ …mmm profound. That’s a great way to be known... “To be known,” there it is staring straight back at me, the root of many sins and idols in my life.
Whether striving for a title or fighting against one, there is this deep desire for being known. In my life that desire has taken many forms: a desire to be known by my siblings as more than “little” sister, a desire to be known as smart and dependable, a desire to be known by men and even something as great as a desire to be known as a Godly woman. Why do I desire to be known these ways? I would love to say, “so that God would be glorified and magnified in my life,” but the truth is the majority of the time it’s a desire to feel lifted up myself.
So of course after God revealed this desire to be known, I quickly repented and received His grace with open arms. HA! Nope, I beat myself up for having this desire. I worked to “fix” my heart. I scored the bible looking for condemnation, focusing on “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” and ignoring the next scripture “and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus(Romans 3:23-24ESV).” Self-condemnation then turned into a desire to be known as sinful by others because that’s not wanting to be known (as you can tell fixing myself was going really well). I was still magnifying myself over Jesus’ sacrifice and power.
Then one Sunday Bryan Mowrey shared this truth; true humility is not thinking less of myself; it’s forgetting myself. The truth is God put a desire to be known in my heart, a desire that is only filled by the realization that I am known by God; “even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows (Luke 12:7ESV).”
After hours of tears, repenting and then basking in His grace, God shared with me Colossians 3:1-4ESV-
“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.”
God is calling me to daily die to myself and walk in the truth that I am raised with Christ. He then will be known and glorified through my life!
Going Green...for the first time!
Caris
