I had graduated college, was working full-time, and renting a place to live while I tried to figure out what was next. The way I saw it, I was at a fork in the road. If marriage was in God’s plan for me, that meant I would continue working, serving, and waiting for Future Husband to appear. But if lifetime singleness was the plan, I might as well make the most of it and do things that would be difficult for a married woman, who would have all the concerns of caring for a husband and family. I pictured myself as a Jackie Pullinger or an Amy Carmichael. I’d sell everything, move to some remote corner of the world, and care for the poor from my little grass hut.
As you can tell, my plans for the future were vastly different depending on the Lord’s answer to this question....which did not come right away. I think this was also the first decision about which I intentionally sought the Lord’s will. I had chosen a college, a major, a job, a place to live--all based on what I thought was best and what I preferred. I don’t remember praying about any of those decisions before making them. So here I was, truly asking God for direction for the first time about a major life decision and he didn’t have much to say.
I was sitting at a stop light on the drive home from work one day, and instead of asking God about marriage specifically, I asked him what he wanted me to do right now, at this time, in this place. Then he started talking. He wanted me to be a blessing in my work place, to devote myself to serving Christ’s Church, and to build strong, deep friendships. He wanted me to seek counsel from women who were older than me and to cultivate a submissive heart toward leaders. I could do all of those things single or married! It occurred to me that I did not need all the details about my future in order to obey God today.
As God’s children, we have the joy of learning how to seek and hear from him. I’m learning that he loves conversation, that my life is one long conversation with him and that I need to be okay with long pauses. He has kept hidden some of the answers to the big questions I’m asking. But it’s okay. By saying “Yes, Lord” to whatever he asks of me today, I am preparing to say “Yes, Lord” to whatever he has planned for the future.
Going green!Lynn
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