GREEN-LIGHT revolution

Earlier this year I began writing in my personal blog about bitterness. I consider this post to be part 3 of an ongoing series.

Since my first two posts, God has pointed out where I'm still "the walking wounded" in areas of my heart. He has also pointed out that not all the bitterness and resentment I've been harboring is my own fault. "Yes, I take responsibility for my sins" (which are many); and at the same time "yes, I have been sinned against; I have been wounded" in the process.

As a single woman, I have found God to be a good God; a good Doctor, a good Healer... He pulls off my bandages gently, one at a time. He eases the burning and all my hot tears with His loving hands and steady eyes. He draws near to me when I lash out against Him and all His healing efforts. He does this mostly through the love of others.

Since I've come to repentance with Jesus and entered the healing process, there have been many painful times. Just when I think I've arrived, off comes another layer of the bandage. Lately the layers draw nearer and deeper into the core of my wounds. I find it difficult.

It seems easier to shut-down, tune-out, run away, hide, ignore, keep numb... to part from God. I have believed this at times in my life, times when I have not trusted Him.

It's true: I can choose not to have my wounds treated. Left alone they become infected, spreading disease throughout my entire body, sucking the life out of my soul until it ends me completely. Or, I allow God to treat them… the process is just as painful, but through it I find a hope for healing and life to be gained. God reminds me of this again and again, and reminds me that the choice is all mine.

As I grow to know Him, I choose Jesus more and more. I choose to go back to the beginning with God. Sometimes I have to make and re-make this choice daily; and yet every time I do so, He displays His love and mercy and faithfulness time and time again. I become whole.