Why do I still hurt if I've forgiven the people in my past? God peels the hard layers off my heart and feelings of resentment and indignation come gushing out. It's almost as if the wounds are fresh.
Resent (verb): to feel or show displeasure or indignation at a person, act or remark from a sense of injury or insult; to feel bitter, indignant or aggrieved.
Indignant (adj): feeling characterized by or expressing, strong displeasure at something considered injust, offensive, insulting.
Have you ever picked a scab? The wound begins to itch under the surface of your skin. As you scratch it away, raw flesh is revealed, new blood appears. The itching sensation is actually a good sign. Uncomfortable, but it means healing is in progress. When the scab is removed, fresh blood flows to the surface, bringing relief from the itching, coagulating again to form another, less significant scab. The process continues until the wound is fully healed, and new living skin or scar tissue (if the wound is deep enough) forms, bringing complete protection to the area.
Like a lot of us I have scars from my past, but some are not fully healed. Certain seasons and circumstances in life cause my unhealed wounds to itch, and God is good to address these areas, peeling off the hard surfaces that have formed over my heart, bringing new blood and new life to flow in those areas... more healing. As the days pass, some of these wounds turn to scars... reminders of what once was, but no longer needing the attention and care that an unhealed, open wound requires.
I'm still carrying hard scabs of resentment, indignation and bitterness that are not righteous. I say I have forgiven people through the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ, and I have. But past wounds have caused attitudes of expectation and entitlement that were never meant to be in my heart. God knows this. God is faithful to bring me into seasons and circumstances that reveal this. He is faithful to give me opportunities to release and let go of the bitterness that has crusted over places of my heart. He always uses other people to help reveal and likewise love me through these things. I am thankful for that (most days!)
The process is not easy. I often feel open, exposed, vulnerable, raw... staring my insecurities right in the face. I have days where I want to run away, shut down, tune God out, withdraw from His community (the church). But I know the rewards and the blessings and the fruits and the joys of freedom in Christ. Once you've tasted it, nothing else satisfies, no matter how difficult. Walking in the freedom only Jesus offers is a journey I began when I accepted His invitation to follow Him. He is faithful to carry me and pour grace over me on the days I don't feel I can take another step. He is faithful to strengthen me in His love and grace.
He wouldn't redeem me, He wouldn't bother to heal my heart, if He didn't love me. So I continue to "walk the distance another day, the rope is thin but does not give way ... for I would rather have the mystery and the madness and the rains, because hell's the only place you can be free of all love's pain."
Made Alive in Christ and going green!
blogger bek
Resent (verb): to feel or show displeasure or indignation at a person, act or remark from a sense of injury or insult; to feel bitter, indignant or aggrieved.
Indignant (adj): feeling characterized by or expressing, strong displeasure at something considered injust, offensive, insulting.
Have you ever picked a scab? The wound begins to itch under the surface of your skin. As you scratch it away, raw flesh is revealed, new blood appears. The itching sensation is actually a good sign. Uncomfortable, but it means healing is in progress. When the scab is removed, fresh blood flows to the surface, bringing relief from the itching, coagulating again to form another, less significant scab. The process continues until the wound is fully healed, and new living skin or scar tissue (if the wound is deep enough) forms, bringing complete protection to the area.
Like a lot of us I have scars from my past, but some are not fully healed. Certain seasons and circumstances in life cause my unhealed wounds to itch, and God is good to address these areas, peeling off the hard surfaces that have formed over my heart, bringing new blood and new life to flow in those areas... more healing. As the days pass, some of these wounds turn to scars... reminders of what once was, but no longer needing the attention and care that an unhealed, open wound requires.
I'm still carrying hard scabs of resentment, indignation and bitterness that are not righteous. I say I have forgiven people through the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ, and I have. But past wounds have caused attitudes of expectation and entitlement that were never meant to be in my heart. God knows this. God is faithful to bring me into seasons and circumstances that reveal this. He is faithful to give me opportunities to release and let go of the bitterness that has crusted over places of my heart. He always uses other people to help reveal and likewise love me through these things. I am thankful for that (most days!)
The process is not easy. I often feel open, exposed, vulnerable, raw... staring my insecurities right in the face. I have days where I want to run away, shut down, tune God out, withdraw from His community (the church). But I know the rewards and the blessings and the fruits and the joys of freedom in Christ. Once you've tasted it, nothing else satisfies, no matter how difficult. Walking in the freedom only Jesus offers is a journey I began when I accepted His invitation to follow Him. He is faithful to carry me and pour grace over me on the days I don't feel I can take another step. He is faithful to strengthen me in His love and grace.
He wouldn't redeem me, He wouldn't bother to heal my heart, if He didn't love me. So I continue to "walk the distance another day, the rope is thin but does not give way ... for I would rather have the mystery and the madness and the rains, because hell's the only place you can be free of all love's pain."
Made Alive in Christ and going green!
blogger bek
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