Hello blog world. This is pt.4 of an ongoing series recording my journey through healing and freedom from bitterness. Read my previous posts here.
I'm still dealing with bitterness. Bitterness... that which is bitter. The word feels heavy on my tongue... compounded like layers of solid rock, heavy on my heart. Bitterness from past hurts: some self-inflicted pain (i.e. my own sin against God), some wounds caused by others (i.e. sin done against me).
The deeper I dive into relationship with God, the more He reveals His deep love for me. Part of His love in this season of my life is being demonstrated through His bringing bitterness to the surface of my heart: unforgiveness, resentment, false expectations... all things that are preventing me from loving others, things that are preventing me from walking in all the freedom that God offers, things that rob me from the joy of Jesus Christ.
Sometimes I wonder how I got here... 27 years and so much has happened. God reminds me He knows How to Save a Life.
One time in the ER, I had 8 stitches put into a deep cut in my foot without anything to numb the pain. First the wound had to be cleaned to remove bacteria. I then watched as the doctor threaded a needle in and out of the area, 16 times back and forth to close the wound. My friend grabbed my hand and I held onto it as hard as I knew how. I didn't say a word... the hot tears rolling out of my eyes said more than any words could. I remember my friend speaking words of consolation to me. I remember the Dr. encouraging me through the process, telling me I was doing a great job... telling me I was brave, telling me I was strong.
I was thankful for the hand of my friend that day. I held on like I'd never let go. I was thankful for the Dr.'s smile, his kindness and his words as he performed the painful task, a task that was absolutely necessary in order for my healing. I didn't question the Dr.'s intention.
But I have questioned God's intention. As He cleans the wounds of my heart, absolutely necessary in order for my healing, I've questioned why He is doing so, and at times I've even pulled away from Him because of the pain. Then I wonder why I find it hard to hear His voice.
Sometimes in the midst of great pain it's difficult to hear words of consolation. We hear the tone and the volume of a comforting voice, we feel the hands holding ours like they'll never let go, we sense the presence of those who love us around us... but the impact of the pain can drown out the comfort and overwhelm us.
In the dead of night it's hard to imagine the brightness of the sun, but the light always comes in the morning. The promise of relief always comes with Jesus. It comes in waves, it comes in the morning. Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning -Psalm 30:5.
For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under Heaven ... a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance... -Ecclesiastes 3
Going Green (and more free!)
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I'm still dealing with bitterness. Bitterness... that which is bitter. The word feels heavy on my tongue... compounded like layers of solid rock, heavy on my heart. Bitterness from past hurts: some self-inflicted pain (i.e. my own sin against God), some wounds caused by others (i.e. sin done against me).
The deeper I dive into relationship with God, the more He reveals His deep love for me. Part of His love in this season of my life is being demonstrated through His bringing bitterness to the surface of my heart: unforgiveness, resentment, false expectations... all things that are preventing me from loving others, things that are preventing me from walking in all the freedom that God offers, things that rob me from the joy of Jesus Christ.
Sometimes I wonder how I got here... 27 years and so much has happened. God reminds me He knows How to Save a Life.
One time in the ER, I had 8 stitches put into a deep cut in my foot without anything to numb the pain. First the wound had to be cleaned to remove bacteria. I then watched as the doctor threaded a needle in and out of the area, 16 times back and forth to close the wound. My friend grabbed my hand and I held onto it as hard as I knew how. I didn't say a word... the hot tears rolling out of my eyes said more than any words could. I remember my friend speaking words of consolation to me. I remember the Dr. encouraging me through the process, telling me I was doing a great job... telling me I was brave, telling me I was strong.
I was thankful for the hand of my friend that day. I held on like I'd never let go. I was thankful for the Dr.'s smile, his kindness and his words as he performed the painful task, a task that was absolutely necessary in order for my healing. I didn't question the Dr.'s intention.
But I have questioned God's intention. As He cleans the wounds of my heart, absolutely necessary in order for my healing, I've questioned why He is doing so, and at times I've even pulled away from Him because of the pain. Then I wonder why I find it hard to hear His voice.
Sometimes in the midst of great pain it's difficult to hear words of consolation. We hear the tone and the volume of a comforting voice, we feel the hands holding ours like they'll never let go, we sense the presence of those who love us around us... but the impact of the pain can drown out the comfort and overwhelm us.
In the dead of night it's hard to imagine the brightness of the sun, but the light always comes in the morning. The promise of relief always comes with Jesus. It comes in waves, it comes in the morning. Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning -Psalm 30:5.
For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under Heaven ... a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance... -Ecclesiastes 3
Going Green (and more free!)
Blogger Bek
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