You know that feeling that builds up inside that tells you that you are doing something you shouldn't be. That tells you not to start something that you can't finish. Some call it your conscience, I tend to believe it's the Holy Spirit attempting to guide my rebellious heart. I recently had an experience of ignoring this voice and it got several hearts tangled up and broken. I was recently in a relationship-without-titles with this guy who doesn't love Jesus. I knew it was doomed from the start. That little voice, that feeling told me so. But it felt so good to be wanted, to be held. I have never really been pursued by anyone, no man has ever stated affection for me outside of genuine brotherly-sisterly love. I didn't feel pretty or good enough to be wanted. And it was now happening... to me! I knew in the back of my mind it couldn't work, but I let myself believe the fantasy that flirt-to-convert just might work this time. I let it go too far. I let my heart get too deep... and Jesus had to wake me up... I had to end it. It was the hardest thing I had to do. I am still finding it difficult to forgive myself for hurting him. He truly is a great man, but without Jesus, not the one for me. I cried for hours; I cried myself to sleep that night; I held back tears all the next day. I was a wreck, but strangely enough I felt a peace about the decision I'd made. I knew that Jesus was in it. I had let this man become too much of a priority. He was distracting me from the TRUE Romancer.
One of my favorite verses in Song of Songs 2:7 “ I adjure you, O Daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles and does of the field, do not stir up or awaken love until its time” went ringing through my head. I knew I had forced love to stir a bit in its bed before it was ready to wake up.
In my grieving, Jesus made time for a little romance one morning. He told me to read Song of songs 4 “Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful! …You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.” WOW!! The Perfect Creator of the universe told me I am perfect, beautiful, wanted. And you know what? It clicked! I had a revelation. I AM beautiful! I AM a catch! I AM someone worth pursuing, worth waiting for! It was a wake up call like I couldn’t believe!
Some days it’s hard to get out of bed and face the day. Some days it’s hard to wake up in bed alone. And some days, Jesus wakes you up with a kiss saying, “My sunshine, come, face the day with Me.”
Going green!
Jenny J
November 17, 2011 at 10:59 AM
Jenny this was so encouraging to me! I've faced this so much in feeling impatient and wanting to settle for the guy in front of me giving me attention instead of waiting for who God had in store for me. Such a great reminder that Jesus is romancing us and He is our true love. I'm going to have to remember those scriptures to remind myself of truth when things get tough. Thanks for sharing your heart!